I used to be incensed over the fact that celebrities could literally kill people, then go to court and get away with murder. Then I became a minor celebrity and my opinion started to change.
I’m not famous enough to get away with premeditated murder, but it’s my ultimate goal. At my current level of fame I figure the most I could get away with is maybe a vigorous bludgeoning, or perhaps some high spirited groping. Those free passes could come in handy someday, but it’s not the same as knowing you can whack someone if you feel like it.
I once considered getting a teardrop tattoo so I’d look like an ex con and people would fear me. But with the Three Strikes law, being an ex con isn’t the panacea it used to be. Celebrities are the new bullies. That’s why I carry around my magazine covers just in case I get in a “situation.” When the shoving starts, I just whip out the January issue of Fortune magazine – the one with Dilbert on the cover – and say something like, “Do you know who drew that? Well DO you, punk?”
Then I go into my cage fighting stance and hope no one notices that my entire body is made of peanut brittle.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Getting Away with Punching
Posted by just jon at 13:36